Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
