You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
