Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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