why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My vagina is officially offended.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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