We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
