It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
