She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
