please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize