We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
