I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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