Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
