please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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