I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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