I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
