Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
