then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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