This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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