P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
