A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.