he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.