Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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