ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.