Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer

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  (201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer http://tfl.nu/68pg
  Replies (39) Good night (2939) Bad night (769)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college

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  (920): Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college http://tfl.nu/rv3o
  Replies (67) Good night (4705) Bad night (1500)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...

  (845): View more from New York

  Are you serious?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...

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  (917): so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head... (845): Are you serious? (917): yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it... http://tfl.nu/iiih
  Replies (25) Good night (973) Bad night (4577)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances

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  (250): My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances http://tfl.nu/ihp8
  Replies (15) Good night (1342) Bad night (5019)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

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  (336): he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater. http://tfl.nu/8ycg
  Replies (3) Good night (3473) Bad night (1107)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together

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  (713): Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together http://tfl.nu/dsi2
  Replies (6) Good night (3513) Bad night (833)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.

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  (607): I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no. http://tfl.nu/p7ft
  Replies (2) Good night (1476) Bad night (963)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch

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  (541): And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch http://tfl.nu/6s8v
  Replies (13) Good night (3058) Bad night (869)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.

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  (902): I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged. http://tfl.nu/u3dy
  Replies (5) Good night (1010) Bad night (561)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.

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  (818): I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car. http://tfl.nu/zey7
  Replies (11) Good night (537) Bad night (1312)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night

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  (859): Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night http://tfl.nu/xjt9
  Replies (0) Good night (654) Bad night (496)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex

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  (515): she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex http://tfl.nu/uys9
  Replies (2) Good night (586) Bad night (954)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.

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  (506): I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work. http://tfl.nu/gsqk
  Replies (1) Good night (435) Bad night (710)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.

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  (412): How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home? (480): I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk. http://tfl.nu/69on
  Replies (2) Good night (758) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone

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  (732): I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone http://tfl.nu/o83q
  Replies (0) Good night (341) Bad night (121)

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