my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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