i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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