you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
