Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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