Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
