I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
