i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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