I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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