So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize