I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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