Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
