Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
