When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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