Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
