ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
