We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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