That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
