I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
