Did you just see the Batmobile???
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
