forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
