Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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