Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
