I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
