I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
