his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
