Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i believe in u and ur pee
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
