look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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