i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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