really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
