I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
