is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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