Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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