Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
