words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
