Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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