are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
