I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
