You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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