I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
