remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
