I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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