I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
