Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
