i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
