i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
