I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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