I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
