my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
