Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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