So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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