Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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